Hi Jess,
Welcome to our forum and thanks for posting a message!
You sound like you're coping really well with your diagnosis. It can be a relief to just have a name for what you're experiencing, can't it. Even though it's something you probably didn't want, at least you can now start dealing with it. I applaud your courage and resolve.
There are many in the group who have used donor eggs for achieving a much-wanted pregnancy. This is a great option that produces real results. It may not work the first time, but persistence has eventually paid off for many in the group. DH and I are attempting our second cycle in April and we're hoping this time is the time for us. Our first cycle was quite disappointing but, to my way of thinking, every time you try you have the same chance of succeeding, and you've got to be in to win!
You can find out a bit more about the way a donor egg IVF cycle works on our website (
http://www.earlymenopause.org.nz) on the 'Fertility' page. But let me try to answer your questions briefly here.
Is the female anonymous?
That is up to you. Would you feel more comfortable with the donor being known to you or not? There are tricky issues on both sides of this question and it really depends on what you feel most comfortable with. A known donor can certainly speed things up a bit as you're not waiting for someone to answer your advertisement. Personally, I preferred the idea of an unknown donor, as I thought it'd be a less emotionally-charged experience. But when a good friend of mine offered to donate, I was able to come round to that idea for two reasons: (1) I'd heard the waiting list for anonymous donors can be up to two years; (2) she made it really simple. And I think most women who want to be donors are like that. I originally wanted my sister to be my donor, so that the child would have at least some of my DNA, but she declined as she felt it would be 'weird'. And that's fine, it's her decision. But the kind of people who want to donate their eggs, don't see it as weird at all. They just want YOU to have a chance of pregnancy. They 'get' it.
Does anybody know the waiting list to get a donor egg?
Just to clarify something, donor eggs are not like donor sperm. They don't store well and there is no 'pool' of donors to choose from. One day I expect there will be, but at the moment they're having difficulty thawing frozen eggs. They will try to store a woman's eggs if she is going through cancer treatment, but the success rate is currently too low for this to become routine.
For an anonymous donor, it's about two years from placing the advert to actually starting a cycle. But this is a huge 'guesstimate' as they just don't know how long it will take. For known donors, it depends on whether you qualify for publicly funded treatment or not. If you do, and you have a donor, you join the list of people waiting for funding and that can be up to a year at the moment. But this changes depending on government regulations, so don't rely on that figure for the future. If you have $15,000 to pay for it yourself, and you have found a donor, I believe you can pretty much dictate the timeline yourself.
What is the success rates for a successful pregnancy?
The figures we've been given, dated May 2008, say that about 75% of collected eggs fertilise and, of these, some may not be good enough to use. The younger your donor is, the better. We are with Fertility Associates and, with our last cycle, they told us they expected to collect about 7 eggs and have 3-4 embryos to choose from. We had three, and only one was good enough to use. We did the transfer, but sadly this one didn't continue to develop. But this time we have a different donor and who knows what the outcome might be.
Fertility Associates have a graph on their
web site that you might find helpful. They say the average fertile couple has a 20% chance of conceiving each month and they put their pregnancy rate for someone under 35 (which is really the age of the donor for us) at just above 45%. But this is not per month, this is over a 6 month period using fresh and frozen embryos. There are no guarantees with IVF but it's better than the 5% chance of pregnancy we have on our own! My personal opinion is it will either work or it won't and you can't let statistics cloud your thinking.
Is the female's eggs used as similar to one's own looks as possible?
This is also up to you. Obviously the more specific you are with your requests, the fewer potential donors you'll find. But this is your choice. I originally thought it was absolutely vital that the donor look exactly like me so that I could bond better with baby. However, our current donor looks nothing like me, but, on the positive side, a lot like my husband. So, rather than focus on who the baby might not look like, my focus will be on who baby
does look like. Does that make sense? It took me a long time to get to this point, but I know this is likely going to be our last chance, so I'm not going to be picky, we just want a family and any baby we are lucky enough to have will be deeply loved.
The light at the end of the tunnel IS a bright, happy one, Jess, and there is still hope for you to have the pregnancy you want. Attitude is EVERYTHING. If you can be flexible and positive, then you can achieve your dream. And if that dream changes a little over time, so be it. That's life, isn't it!
Your specialist should be able to get you some more detailed information about IVF from your nearest clinic. Do ask about it, as it's always good to get it from the 'horse's mouth' so to speak!
Also, we have a great book in our library called "
Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates" that explores many of the issues surrounding donor-assisted reproduction. I know it really helped me get my head around it all when I was first looking into it. We have a few other books as well that you'd be more than welcome to borrow. More information is on our website.
We're here for you when you need us and do let us know if we can help out with anything else.
Warm wishes,
Nicole x
